where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Randomize
