Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
