i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
