She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
