What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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