I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
