between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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