I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
