bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sarcasm needs its own font
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
