she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
