I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
