its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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