Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
