i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
