DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
