Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
