I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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