Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How naked do you want me to be?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
