Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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