he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Congratulations! We have a period
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