If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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