East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
