someone owes me an orgasm
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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