Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
