You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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