Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
