Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
