you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
