Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
