**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
