I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
