apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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