I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
