First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
