Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
