so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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