It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
