you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
