oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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