It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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