God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
