my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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