guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
