I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
