he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
