I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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