i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
