he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
