I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
