Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
