4 words: hood of his car
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
