I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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