You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
