lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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