I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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