So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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