My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize