She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
