Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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