if only i could text you this smell
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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