just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
