As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
