Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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