I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
