where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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