my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
