I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
