Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
