I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
