All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
