College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize